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hitting the wall…

I hit the wall today. I was just give out, as we say in the South. There wasn’t anything left, and I shut down. It was the hardest day of my Practicum week. I know now that I should have listened to that inner voice telling me, more like shouting at me, that I needed rest. I needed to go off and recharge, regroup, and relax. I needed to be by myself and let things process. But I didn’t listen. I didn’t want to disappoint. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, and I probably alienated everyone.

I’m seeing a different side of this Spiritual Direction gig. Maybe some things are just for me and God. Maybe some things don’t need to go deeper. And just maybe we don’t know what level someone else’s relationship with God is in. Maybe someone’s resistance to talking about their most personal religious moments are none of my business.

I learned something today. I learned respect for those whom I will attempt to help. I learned that it’s not just uncomfortable to have someone leading you to believe some truth that they have discovered in themselves, but that it’s presumptuous to assume that their interactions with the Divine are somehow inferior to my own experience.

Yes, I do want to help others to come to understand the love that God has for them, but it’s not my place to bully them into it. I’m not suggesting that anyone is teaching me to do that, but there were times today, when that’s exactly the way it felt.




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