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what I really need is…

I ordered a book about Catholicism recently, and when it arrived included was a CD explaining the 5 things women need to know about men. There didn’t appear to be a CD about the 5 things men need to know about women. I’ve been thinking a lot about that and want to ask readers to add their opinions to the mix. The CD was addressing the needs of men from their wives. My list is more in general.

1. Maybe I’m different than most of my gender, but respect is probably number 1 on my list. If I don’t feel respected, anything else seems condescending. I don’t want to be treated like a hot house lily. I don’t want to be treated like a child. I don’t want to be put on a pedestal. I want to be treated like an equal. I want my feelings and ideas to be considered. I need it known that I’ll do what I’ve said I’ll do, and that I will keep the promises I make. I need to be trusted and held accountable.

2. I need to be listened to. I need my listener’s full-attention, and I need to be allowed to finish my thought without being interrupted. I need to be heard and not have the period of time when I am speaking used to formulate a response. Even if someone disagrees with me, it doesn’t mean they can’t respect my right to be heard. Along with this need, I need to listen to others and give them the same respect.

3. I need time. I need time together and I need time alone, and I need those times to be respected. I get frustrated when I don’t even have the time to finish a conversation or finish an activity or aren’t given the space to gather my thoughts and enjoy some solitude without interruption. I need the times set aside for being with someone to be important to them and I need the time I mark for myself to be considered just as crucial to my well-being as the needs of those who feel that their needs supersede mine if I’m just doing something alone.

4. I need my opinions to be considered in decision-making. I need to be asked before my time is scheduled by someone else. I’m so tired of people assuming I can and will drop whatever I’m doing or planning to do just because my schedule is flexible.

5. I need to be loved. I need to know that people need me, not just for what I can do for them, but just by virtue of my being who I am. I need to know that I’ll be forgiven when I screw up. And I need the affection that is naturally given to ones whom we choose to love.

I’m fully aware that the only one who can meet all those needs all the time is God. He is what I need more than anything else, and He already knows my every desire. Other people aren’t quite as perceptive.

In marriage, probably the only changes would be – Love would be 2nd on the list and it would include sexual intimacy. Everything else would just move down a spot.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen my list on any marriage expert’s list, at least not in that order. Maybe I’m just different. I don’t know, but I’m curious.

What’s on your list?

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2 comments on “what I really need is…

  1. I really enjoyed reading this. You have a very clear writing style.

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